I don’t know about you, but I’m usually terrified of thick, heavy frozen meals typically associated with rich family memories and secret recipes. But I took the plunge and tried this one, and *DRUMROLL*, I think you should take a leap into the Smart One’s Italian space as well.

Chicken Marsala – White meat chicken and crimini mushrooms with rotini pasta in a Marsala wine sauce. Without knowing you were preheating a frozen bag, mama’d be proud.

At first, it was not looking good. 

Typically, steambags inflate in the microwave, and remain in such a state for 2-4 minutes after they’ve completed “cooking.” However, in the case of Smart Ones, the bag looked sad, deflated, and defeated.

It has a different steam window than what I’ve seen – instead of one concentrated hole, there is a line of holes running vertically from the top of the bag to the bottom. The more holes, the easier it is for the steam to escape.

Ultimately, the product was fully cooked, and the minimal inflation of the bag had no impact on taste.

Before we get to the “quality” descriptors / true judgement passing, I should preface:

I am a chicken marsala snob.

The ULTIMATE snob. Blame this on my grandpa’s Sicilian recipe for chicken marsala, and the way it has been mastered and perfected  over its 50+ years of existence.

I can’t order this dish at restaurants, because it’s never as good.  The meat itself is usually a thick slab of chicken breast. It is never cut up into manageable pieces that allow the sauce to really seep into homebase. 

AND THE SAUCE. The sauce is usually runny and weak, with a consistency of wine and only wine. It is never thick enough. It never quite  bursts with butter and chicken bullion. And it’s never been simmering long enough to transpire into a thick silky texture that accompanies the chicken down your throat like a smooth raft on a water slide (someone please take me to  Six Flags).

Bottom line, and I’ll get out of your face about it: You haven’t had marsala until you’ve had my family recipe. With the amount of followers/readers I have, I could probably fit you around a 5 person kitchen table, so maybe I will. This meal is also the one real thing I’ve mastered in the kitchen.

As far as Smart Ones Satisfying Selections: Chicken Marsala, I’m in awe. The sauce isn’t thick like my Grandpa’s recipe, but it’s not runny like every Mama Mia Italian restuarant. It sits pleasantly in the middle of the scale.

The sauce is so flavorful and succulent, I’d drink it out of a cup. Goes without saying that it complements all meal components. I’m thoroughly impressed and completely surprised. And at 250 calories, I think this belongs on Myth Busters. Smart Ones, how do you do it?

Home-fucking-run. 

It’s pretty embarrassing, but this was my first foray into the BBQ Pizza culture. And after finally writing this post, I’ve fully assimilated. 

I’ve now had this crispy, cheese-to chicken-to bbq sauce ratio of perfection five times. And now anytime a pizza with BBQ sauce is on the menu ANYWHERE, I order a personal pan and force feed samples to non-believers of the greatness that is pizza dough slathered in BBQ sauce. 

So, the concept and the ingredients and the outcome are perfection. But the method to the madness all stems from a little bittaa frozen innovation: the cover crisper (unofficial name).

The LC box transforms itself into a bonafide pizza box/portable pizza oven. Tear along the perforated edges of the box, folding over the front cover to reveal a sheet the color of aluminum. This, my friends, is the crisper. Throw your pizza on top, and let ‘er rip. 

The big reveal is a crispy crust, delicious waft of bbq, and tasty toppings. 

Gimme.

At 340, it’s a lunch filler-upper. Ain’t shabby gals. And totally, totally worth it. Totally.

Quick Bite:

Descriptor: Grilled white meat chicken and cavatappi pasta with asparagus, broccoli, carrots in creamy garlic sauce

“Nutritionist” Insight: The sauce/thick pasta are driving this 500 calorie fest, 250 of which are from fat.  

Overall: It’s a thing of beauty straight out the bag and tastes good, but I probably wouldn’t eat it again. If I’m going to inhale 500 calories, I’d rather most of them not be stemming from whatever-the-hell’s in that creamy garlic sauce. 

Everyone’s hoppin’ on the lunch sized bagwaggon, including Stouffer’s with their new steam perfect bag, which is identical in packaging (from the back) to LC. If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it - - right, Nestle? 

Chicken is perfection. Beautiful, thin sliced numbers with no sign of string fat. String fat is the worst.  

The broc’s a little watery for my liking. It’s tough for that to taste good in a frozen meal, yet it’s ever-present. This bag’s got asparagus, which I don’t often see. But it’s here, and I’m fully enjoy what it brought to my cube table.  

The carrots are literally the vegetable red-headed stepchild, which I’m fine with. I had a grand total of two in my Tupperware. Maybe Stouffer’s was hoping they’d mate in the microwave and there’d be more come eatin’ time. 

Garlic Sauce is a little excessive. If Stouffer’s reigned it in by about 1 ½ teaspoons, it’d cut back on calories and I wouldn’t feel the need to swan dive into a jar of Listerine after finishing this lunch bag.

Overall, I’m happy that the top dog brands are rolling out steamfresh bagged meals, lunchable size. Wish they could come with a dessert taped to the side, like a frozen mini Magnum bar. Or a frozen yogurt.

Someone hurry up and strike up a partnership so I can get my frozen desert on, too.

*DON’T dispose of the bag at your desk. That garlic sauce will stink up your office space, and rendering you unable to host cubicle catch-ups with coworkers.

I’ve been not-so-frozen lately, due to exploring SoHo lunch spots and the excessive amount of home cooked leftovers I’ve been privileged to package and nosh on cube-side. 

My stomach capacity has expanded during the month of June, and it’s probably due to my ordering things like this:

So, I’d like to officially caveat the following: for the next 5-7 posts, If I say a portion isn’t “filling” enough, it most likely is. 

Maybe it’s because I’m such a fan of Margherita Pizza. Maybe it’s because all of the ingredients in the this LC CBM would be components of my “last meal”: chicken, penne pasta, red peppers, mozz, balsamic…

But it’s possibly the best frozen ANYTHING I’ve ever had.

The flavor pairings are perfection. The Portobello mushroom steams beautifully in the bag. The vegetables and tomatoes aren’t too watery (as can be the case with some frozen veggies) and maintain the CRUNCH.

The ingredients are a friggin orchestra working in unison in my mouth. They tap notes on my taste buds, singing until they’re swallowed.  It’s like they went to band camp in the microwave  and gave a live performance on my palate. Perfection LC, perfection.

There’s nothing to complain about. There’s nothing to review. Just buy it. In bulk.

*It DID need an additional 30 seconds, so I micro’ed for 5:30.

Quick Bite

Description:  Shrimp with a garlic sauce, carrots, red bell peppers, water chestnuts and snap peas

Cook time: Total time is about 15-18 minutes in the skillet

Lip-smackability: Definitely not an original or groundbreaking dish. It’s your classic shrimp stir fry. But the sauce has a great kick and really makes the dish. And the shrimp are the perfect size. PF wasn’t scrimpy on the scampi.  I enjoyed it overall.

Hunger Pains: My mom and I were both still hungry after the meal, so we made some popcorn and watched the season finale of Parks and Rec on DVR.

My Mom picked this up at the grocery store, insisting we try it “for that frozen site you have“ and  ”before your sister comes home from school“ 

My sister’s fussy and would never eat the below. After long days during the week, my mom and I could have 2 scoops of peanut butter, a bowl of cereal and a handful of chips and be okay with our existence. Not my sister. She needs a feast. Preferably some heavy Italian masterpiece accompanied by fresh bread smothered in pesto. 

So we needed to get in one last low-maintenance meal before the dinner diva came back from college.

PF insists on NOT using the microwave. This is meant for dinner, and it’s meant to be cooked in a skillet. 

I played devil’s advocate, nuked a second bag a few days later, and the shrimp came out looking and tasting awful. And the sauce is in frozen blocks that’s meant to slowly melt and then sizzle, which does not bode well in the microwave. 

So if you want chinese for lunch, treat yo self and get it delivered. Don’t bring Frozen PF Chang to your cubicle. Stick to the skillet.

Stop getting so excited - those brown square blocks are not bonus chicken nuggets. That’s the frozen garlic sauce I was referring to earlier. 

All in a all, a nice weeknight meal. I wish the portion size was a bit larger, but the veggies and the shrimp were good quality and the garlic sauce had a solid kick that had me sucking down two ginger ales. 

Quick Bite:

Experiencing anything for the first time can be scary. It’s uncharted territory, we’re unsure of ourselves, and we tend to mess the whole thing up.

Embarking on a relationship with a new product line, I went in a bit fearful. I read the directions three times. I poked the bag. I accidentally punctured the steam opening out of pure curiosity.

But this first time experience was a delight. Try this new line, FF’s. You are shaming the person who reflects back at you when your computer screen is powered down. And that person, my friends, is you. So try it.

I’ll be reviewing these suckers for weeks to come, so brace yo’selves.

One of my favorite frozen meal makers, Lean Cuisine, or as I affectionately call it, LC, launched its CBM (Complete Bagged Meal) Market Creations/Mini Bag line late last year. It was named a Better Homes & Gardens “Best New Product,” and for good reason. The Pot Stickers, as well as the rest of the line, are delightful.

No cutting or piercing. No LBT. Just throw the bag in the microwave.

Directions state that 1110 watt microwaves= cook for 5 minutes; 700 watt = cook for 8. That difference of 3 minutes is A LOT and most people don’t know how many watts their ‘waves have. And it’s hard to judge whether the product is “cooked” or not, because the bag remains sealed – the only opening is the steam valve.

So go by this for timing: 

-Less fancy microwave/doesn’t have a “popcorn” option/ you need to use a knob to set the time vs. manually punching a keypad? Probably 8. 

-Fancy microwave? Probably 5 minutes. 

Suggestion on the steam valve/packaging…

Hey Nestle/Lean Cuisine: develop a clear window so us cubicle lunch folk and developed tv dinner devotees can determine if our pot stickers have reached perfection/have fully cooked. 

5 minutes did the trick on my company microwave. After dumping the contents into a tupperware, I was pleased with the results. All of my dumplings were steamed to perfection except for one, which I threw in the microwave for an additional 30 seconds.

Ah, If only there was a way to steam and then crisp. A frozen foodie can dream.

The sauce has the perfect amount of sweet and spice – you can taste both ginger and soy. The veggies we crisp, and the dumplings had take-out quality texture.

Only complaint: portion size could be a bit bigger. I was gnawing on a Chewy bar about an hour later.  

Quick Bite: Kashi Lemongrass Coconut Chicken 

Forget the calories, forget the cook time. The only thing that really matters is the lip-smackability. 

Which was 0. I didn’t finish it.

The ingredients were panty-dropping pretty and Kashi gives a full-sized portion. But what KILLED this for me was the sauce.

No matter how great everything else is, if the sauce isn’t good, it’s inedible. And the sauce tasted like Lemon Pledge with coconut infusions. 

It’s a great sized portion. But there are too many guests at this house party. 

The lemon and the coconut sauce mixed in with the five varying textures of pilaf, broccoli, coconut flakes, sugar snap peas was too much.

And the sauce smelled and tasted like Lemon Pledge.

I’m bummed, because I enjoy the Kashi brand of cereal and breakfast bars. This first dabble into the single serve trays was disappointing. Single serve meals done right are usually a focused entrée and a single side that live on separate sides of the tray. Or it’s a simple meal, stir-fry style. When you try to throw in 18 different ingredients with 6 different flavors, there’s too much competition.

You tried to pack way too much into the LBT. And the LBT is NOT one size fits all.

Couldn’t finish the meal.

Perk: The nearly full tray is currently in my tash bin, and thanks to the overpowering smell my cube and surrounding area smells like a freshly cleaned, lemon zested living room.

A little SNL for Hump Day

Quick Bite

Calorie Count: 340 and 0 Hunger Pains.  One of these steamers will fill you up.

Facebook Test: 9/10. She is gorgeous, saucy, and her white meat is REAL. 

Buh-buh-bonus: Free tupperware for the frugal FF

Overall: She’ll be forever stacked in my freezer.

There’s tons of innovation in the freezer aisle, finally. And Healthy Choice is bringin’ it. It not only steams, but cooks to perfection in a two-tiered plastic bowl. Top bunk belongs to the bevy of frozen veggies, rice, and the whitest-lookin frozen fillets I’ve ever seen. 

Easiest prep – no puncturing, because the plastic is self-venting. Food is steamed in an elevated tray separate from the sauce.  Mixing the steamed food from elevated tray to bowl is seamless, and sauce provided is goldilocks: the perfect amount.

You’d have to be a moron to mess up this process. 

The sauce is delicious. There’s a little bit of a spice, but not too much. The veggies are crunchy and steamed to perfection. The chicken was perfectly cooked as well, and each piece contained all white meat and only the good parts – no fat, no questionable coloring.   

The meal self-vent plastic, elevated tray and bottom bowl are a total step up from the LBT (little black tray). Such a step up that it’s tempting for this girl on a budget to not KEEP the clear plastic bowl for her morning Cheerios (I totally kept the clear plastic bowl for my morning Cheerios).  

Towards the end of the journey, I didn’t finish the rice. Why? Because I started to get full. And getting full prematurely off a meal that’s tied to Weight Watchers points or meant to be a healthy lunch alternative DOES. NOT. HAPPEN. 

To be filled before finishing when it’s a full-blown meal and the total serving is 340 calories? I’ll take it.